Masturbating in public is never okay, even if you are a celebrity. Yes, that means you, Louis C.K. Picture: supplied
Masturbating in public is never okay, even if you are a celebrity. Yes, that means you, Louis C.K. Picture: supplied

Time to poo poo bad public behaviour for good

I DON'T get why demeaning yourself in front of an unsuspecting audience is exhilarating - I'll leave that to the psychologists to pontificate about - but our neighbourhoods should not be subjected to crass exhibitionism.

It's bad enough on social media with people with personality disorders and narcissistic traits vying for a perverse type of fame, but out in broad daylight where no filter can protect the viewer or disguise the obvious?

Save it.

The latest Brisbane citizen to earn unfortunate attention is a man dubbed a serial masturbator who this week was banned, as part of his bail conditions, from returning to the streets where he allegedly committed the lewd acts.

The man fronted the Brisbane Magistrates Court on Wednesday charged with not one but 27 counts of indecent acts. Police allege he was caught masturbating in public in Annerley and Fairfield, in Brisbane's south, and in Windsor, in the city's north.

Whether it’s your dogs … or yours … bag it up, thank you. Picture: supplied
Whether it’s your dogs … or yours … bag it up, thank you. Picture: supplied

While it's a fair cop for the magistrate to try to remove him from the streets in question, what's to stop him from taking his alleged performances elsewhere?

His matter has been adjourned until April 3.

These alleged exposures bring to mind another disgraceful use of our taxpayer-funded streets - as toilets.

An awful term it might be, but "poo joggers" they are, these oddballs who deliberately drop their breakfast, lunch or dinner on our footpaths and bitumen.

And residents get antsy about dog walkers not cleaning up after their mutts? Try dodging human excrement.

A friend who sees it often when she goes for a run in the mornings - she swears she (and her pooch) can tell the difference from doggie doo - is rightly repulsed.

Queensland “poo jogger” Andrew Douglas Macintosh was identified last year after routinely defecating at the same private unit block multiple times. Picture: supplied
Queensland “poo jogger” Andrew Douglas Macintosh was identified last year after routinely defecating at the same private unit block multiple times. Picture: supplied

Last year high-flying executive Andrew Douglas Macintosh hit a new low when he was caught on camera, by browned-off locals, doing his business on a pathway near a block of units in Greenslopes, in Brisbane's south.

Macintosh subsequently lost his job but the public shaming will be harder to shake. He was initially charged with public nuisance, but the charge was downgraded to an infringement notice, resulting in a $378 fine, with no conviction recorded.

Then there were the backpackers behaving in a similarly gross fashion on the Gold Coast, and a Sydney woman using the back lane of a bottle shop to make a sizeable deposit.

Amusing as some people might find this kind of caper - which goes viral in an instant and sparks all sorts of lowbrow memes online - I find it offensive.

Under Queensland law, a person who creates a public nuisance can be fined $2945 or jailed for six months.

I'd like to say it's time for magistrates to get tough and impose the full force of the law but, hey, I'm a realist and I don't have that long to wait.

If it takes public condemnation to clean up our streets, then bring it on.

Kylie Lang is a Courier-Mail associate editor.

@kylie_lang