Jack's Column: The skinny on dangerous fashion choices
FASHION has never been my strong suit.
Excuse the pun.
My wardrobe consists of more tee shirts with pathetically funny slogans than ones deemed appropriate in public.
My shoe collection doesn't go far past the pair of Vans which were bought for me for work.
And as for those suits (yes, the literal ones this time), well… I'm sure they did fit me at some point.
It therefore goes without saying that it's more than a little strange
One could even say it is not a "suit"-able column topic for me.
Okay, I'll stop with those now.
What I won't stop, however, is talking about fashion.
And I can assure you I've never said that sentence before in my life.
Truth be told, I just don't care about fashion anywhere near as much as I should.
It's only now that I hear there are ramifications to our health that I feel the need to step in.
For those who haven't heard, an Adelaide woman was in fact hospitalised this week…for wearing skinny jeans.
Yes. You read correctly.
So skinny were these jeans that doctors actually reported nerve and muscle damage, and the jeans needed to be cut off the patient's legs.
Wow. Skinny jeans are so much crueller than we thought.
Only…hang on a second.
How the flip is this the jeans' fault?
Well, according to many commentators on the issue, those denim demons are solely to blame.
Some have said the fashion industry has gone too far. Some have said skinny jeans are the corset of the 21st Century. Some have said we may as well stop making clothing for the bottom half of the body altogether.
Well, at least, they may as well have.
Don't get me wrong. I am taking this seriously, and I hope the woman in question here is okay.
That said, anyone who is wearing jeans tight enough to inflict nerve and muscle damage is hardly the most valuable member of the jean pool.
Yes, I know that's the wrong spelling; I just wanted to squeeze in another pun.
What I refuse to squeeze into, however, is an article of clothing too tight for comfort.
Ask yourself, honestly: if your pants are hugging your legs to the point of unbearable pain…is it worth it?
If you've said no, congratulations.
If you've said yes, then there are some priorities you need to iron out.
And if you've said that it depends on how "indie" you want to be, then I say just grow your beards longer and wear more elaborate glasses or something.
The point is, when non-lethal items are getting blamed for things going wrong, it's pretty clear we're the ones who have stuffed up somewhere.
Skinny jeans aren't dangerous; they're just dangerous in the wrong hands. Or, rather, on the wrong legs.
Still, I'd be willing to put money on the fact that those more "indie" among us will not let this health setback curb their enthusiasm for tight trousers.
Not that I can judge.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.