Can you be in love with two people at the same time?

Q: Can you be in love with two people at the same time? I have been dating several guys without the expectation of monogamy or a committed relationship, but I'm finding I'm seriously falling for two of them at the same time.

Is that even possible and what can I do about it? 

I'm not sure I can just turn off my feelings for one of them. How do I choose, or do I have to?

A: Usually, the longer you date someone, the deeper your feelings grow.

Even when the boundaries are firmly around keeping things casual, the risk many people run is that their feelings develop sometimes to unexpectedly serious and romantic levels.

When you date more than one person at a time, and continue dating two or more people frequently and regularly, it is entirely possible to develop feelings for two or even more of them.

Just as we maintain multiple friendships and different friends fulfil us in different ways, people who date more than one person at a time can find unique reasons for adoring more than one person.

The question you have to ask yourself is: "What do I want from dating right now?"

Presumably you have been honest and up front with your paramours that so far your interest has been casual and your commitment non-monogamous.

The next step is to either talk with the two men you have deeper feelings for (one at a time of course) and see what they are interested in.

If they are happy to keep things they way they are, ask yourself if you are too.

If no one expects to be in a serious relationship, do you?

If you want to become serious with just one person, then you need to sit down, reflect and make a choice.

If you simply don't want to choose and want things to stay the way they are, while enjoying your loved up feelings with both of them, there really isn't any reason to change anything.

As long as everyone is being safe, physically and with their feelings and expectations, and you and each man is on the same page that you continue to date without an expectation of monogamy, then enjoy dating for the experience it is.

The more intense your feelings become for each man, the more you may feel the need to choose: and at that point, again, ask yourself: are you looking to settle down into a monogamous relationship, or not?

You can love and adore more than one person in life, one after another or at the same time.

But once someone desires monogamy, that's a game changer and choices will need to be made.



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