‘My wife didn’t tell me she was trying to get pregnant’
WHOSE decision is it to have a child?
Scott* 44, from Queensland, had no say in the matter when his wife got pregnant, and now he doesn't know what to do.
I'M A father of four children. I had three with my ex and then one with my current wife.
I love being a father, I try to invest as much time and energy into each of my kids as I possibly can.
I met my now wife a year after I'd separated from my ex. She stood by me through all the court battling during my divorce. It was a traumatic process and she was brilliantly supportive. I was so grateful, for so many reasons. I adored her.
We'd been together for several years when we had a child, making me a father of four.
Financially it required real focus on my part but I was happy with that. I love all of my children very much.
My first wife has been continually awkward. I'm often left with the kids at weekends, at short notice, during school holidays and basically, whenever it suits her.
It's all taken a toll on my relationship with my now wife. I'm constantly having to say no to things financially because it's so much to juggle.
We've been arguing a lot. There have been days when we only just manage to be civil to each other. It's a real strain holding it together to provide the children with a safe, loving, fun and happy environment.
Four days ago my wife told me she had some news.
She had removed her contraceptive implant 12 months ago. She is 11 weeks pregnant. This is the first time she has mentioned anything.
I'm devastated and angry. I'm struggling to get my head around the fact that she's deliberately deceived me. She planned a pregnancy and didn't discuss it with me - she's been upfront about that, now.
We had a huge argument. She says she knows me and knows how much I love my kids. She says I will love this one too. She seems to think that she's justified in her actions. She tells me I'm being unreasonable, that this is just what happens in relationships and I should just cop it.
I find the whole situation disgusting. I can't even look at her. I feel like I'm the victim here. But, I don't have a leg to stand on. Legally, I'm screwed. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to find the extra hours for more work.
I can't talk to anyone about it. I don't want us to be another broken family. It kills me being away from my older children. I can't possibly imagine going through that twice.
She's right; I will love this child. This is not the child's fault. They are all my children, I will love them all equally and I'm not the kind of person who can just walk away. I will do what people would say is, "the right thing".
But, in the meantime I can't sleep, I can't eat or even think straight. I wonder if anyone even sympathises with the situation I'm now in?
My basket is already full. I don't want to go through having a baby all over again.
I've just got to the point where my children don't need constant care.
I was looking forward to getting some tiny windows of time back for myself. Not much, just the odd hour to play sport or get out for some headspace when I'm not working.
I feel as though I was on the brink of getting some balance back in my life after years of stress. Now this.
It would be difficult enough if it were an accident. But this was a deceitful and calculated decision, made by someone who I trusted and knew exactly where I stood on the matter.
I feel heartbroken and incredibly alone.