'Mum, I just want you better so I can give you a hug.'
"I DON'T want to end up suicidal again."
They are invisible wounds born from an uncommon and agonising medical condition, but Gympie woman Jada Burns's struggles with depression have been just as damaging as her ongoing battle with complex regional pain syndrome.
A thriving pre-kindy teacher at Cooloola Christian College and Entrepreneur of the Year award-winning personal trainer just two years ago, the 44-year-old received a rude shock with the CRPS diagnosis in June 2016 after hurting her shoulder in a "tiny" workplace injury.
Now living with constant crippling full-body pain, costly medical treatment and various appointments in Noosa and on the Sunshine Coast, the mother of five said her disease had taken her to the depths of despair.
"I still do battle with suicide, when I have really bad pain and I haven't slept for a long time," Mrs Burns said.
"I've marked out trees to run into (with my car).
"At one stage I had to get my husband Lindsey to put all my medication away so he'd just do up daily medication.
"I always made sure in my mind that I wouldn't hurt anyone else, I'd never run into another car ... I'd make a phone call so the ambulance would come and get me and the kids would be at school so they wouldn't get hurt.
"It's something I've only recently spoken about. It's still that secret word."
Feeling like "there's no escape" from the pain akin to "having acid poured over my skin" and "my bones being crushed", Mrs Burns said she had struggled to deal with the toll it had also taken on her family.
"The other day my 14-year-old daughter sent me a text message and she said 'Mum, I just want you better so I can give you a hug and I'm not hurting you.' It's taken everything," she said.
"I hate going to sleep, because sleep means I know that I'm going to wake up in absolute agony before I have that first tablet.
"Between my mind and my body, it's just constant."
Thanking her family, friends and three dogs for helping her fight the disease, the volunteer and homeless assistance worker said that same support network had convinced her to start a Go Fund Me page to secure funds for a newly available form of physical treatment in Sydney.
Having so far raised $1095 of a $20,000 goal, Mrs Burns said any donations would be "greatly appreciated" and all updates would be given to contributors through the page.
Find out more about the 'Help stop Jada's CRPS Pain' campaign through the Go Fund Me website.
If you or someone you know is struggling, there is help available:
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
- Beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 44 36
- Kids Helpline 1800 551 800