Mum explains 'house rules' that sparked Facebook storm
THE mother whose "house rules" for her 18 year old daughter set off a social media storm has spoken out about why she laid down the law.
The Coast woman, who wished to remain anonymous so as not to subject her daughter to public embarrassment, said she and her husband were just trying to be the best parent they could be.
The story about her house rules attracted a huge response online, some supportive but many negative, and the mum said many had the wrong idea.
"It would be nice if people could see why we have done what we did," she told the Daily.
Here is her response:
"I would like to say thank you to everyone who has had input into my "rules" for our daughter.
Whether they were positive or not, in the end it is our home (and when I say our home, that includes our children's home), and we were bought up to respect our families and that is how we want to raise our children.
Without people knowing our whole story and the full reason why we did this list, people were quick to either misread, or misinterpret what our point of all this was.
Firstly, we love our daughter very much (as well as her brothers) and we are doing this because we love them.
We certainly don't want to kick our children out of home, our aim is for everyone to work together as a family and to help our children get ahead in life to be ready for what life is like outside of their family home.
These rules were made up after a couple years of constant daily talking and negotiating, but always seem to work for a couple days then we were back to the same issues again.
These rules are out of sheer frustration that if it was in writing and put where it could be seen daily as a reminder of our expectations.
And no, we have not just started putting rules in place for our children, our parenting started the day they were born.
We can say that we have raised beautiful, polite, respectful children with ethics and morals for the world outside our home.
Our daughter had always been a great child and loved to help around the home and all that changed the day she got her driver's licence.
We thought that we were offering her a chance to find her feet and grow with a balance of guidance within the home.
I guess we were brought up in a completely different era, when we didn't have the outside influences like our kids have these days.
Social media does have its place and is an amazing tool, but it has also made teenagers less social and they don't know how to communicate and see others doing things and treating their parents a certain way, then why can't they do that.
Does your household have a set list of rules?
This poll ended on 29 June 2017.
Yes, we follow them and they work.
Yes, but we stopped following them after awhile.
We don't have set rules in our house.
This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.
- Our daughter works just three-and-a-half days a week, Thursday to Sunday in hospitality.
So this allows her a lot of spare time.
While her friends are all working full time during the day, she sleeps - all day - then goes out to see her friends and to go to night clubs.
I personally feel it is unhealthy for her to be spending all day in bed.
As much as people say "she's a teenager, that's what they do", no it isn't a good thing. All it does is make you a lazier person.
- Our rule about her being home by 10.30pm during the week. Her father starts work at 5.30am during the week and I start work at 6.30am during the week. We work more than 45 hours a week in very demanding jobs, so for us to be woken up every single night, because she comes home when she feels like it, certainly isn't fair on her family.
- My rule for the midnight curfew on weekends, or find somewhere else to stay. Now people really took this the wrong way.
Our daughter has a lot of common sense to know exactly what we were talking about, and that does not mean she can never come home after midnight, or she will end up with some drunk driver, or strangers.
No, this was meant because she is going out "clubbing" Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, she cannot drive, if she has even one drink, and yet again, waking her family every night getting home in the early hours of the morning, is not fair on us either, when we are tired from working all week.
She knows this rule, means for her to stay at friend's houses and she does tell me where she is staying.
She would never be not allowed home if she didn't make other arrangements.
Because she was disturbing everyone each night, that is why this rule was written.
- My rule about being home between 5pm and 6.30pm was because she would sleep all day, get up at 3pm then go out to hang with her friends and arrive home very late at night.
She has only two daily chores in our home, and they are wash up and take the rubbish out (which I think she gets it pretty easy) her other job once a week has been to clean the bathroom.
Both of her daily chores were due to be done when she was going out, so it would end up her younger brother would do it (on top of his two chores or it was up to us to do it for her).
As she was growing up, she was taught to help out preparing dinner, so this was something she has decided not to do over the past couple of years.
For us also, dinner is the main chance for us all to get together, even if it is for only a short time. What is wrong with some good old family values?
We honestly don't feel like we have huge expectations on our children.
They are basic common tasks that need to be done by everyone who lives in the home, everything else is done by us in the home.
We feel that these simple rules are just a small part of having a teenage daughter who has forgotten how to be part of a family and show respect to those who she living with.
Yes we are lucky that we have children who don't do drugs and aren't criminals, have morals and are respectful to other (so we must have done something right over the years of raising them).
People seem to only put the good, "butterflies and rainbows" stories on social media, and don't seem to talk about tough issues.
We can't be the only parents who are frustrated with their teenager.
There is so much disrespect for people and their belongings with the youth of today, that the parents who are trying to raise great humans, are almost fighting a losing battle at times.
But while our children live in our home that we have worked hard to provide for us all, then we expect our children to have respect for us."