Five reasons supermarkets are the work of an evil genius
SUPERMARKET shopping. It's something we all do now and again, unless of course we're lucky enough to have paid workers to do it for us, or someone in the family willing to take one for the team.
1. Tiny trolleys
They're an invention that every evil genius on the planet envies - yes, kiddie trolleys are the bane of my existence when buying groceries.
And don't get me wrong - I'm not the kind of person to hate on kids in public. I'm the first to defend parents with crying babies on planes.
But is it really necessary, in a busy shopping centre, to have one parent with a shopping trolley and then up to three kids with their own blocking up an entire aisle?
Kids are kids and kids love things that move on wheels.
That's why you're lucky to get away with your toes intact with various small humans flying about while you're trying to shop.
The likelihood is they're some kind of invention developed by a marketing team somewhere who thought it would encourage mini consumers and help parents by keeping the kids entertained - but sorry, these things are just not practical.
2. Unwanted personal contact
Need a hug? Feeling a little lonely? The solution is to head to the nearest supermarket - or anywhere with a queue for that matter.
Queues are magical places where many seem to think that the closer they cuddle up to you, or the more they invade your personal space, the faster the queue will go.
I'm guessing these are the human equivalents of tailgaters.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than being being caged in between one person trying to move you along and the other person in front of you at the check-out who you either have to squish up to, or risk getting squished up to by the person behind you. You just can't win.
Parking is an age-old woe older than time itself. In fact, before cars were even invented I'm pretty sure parking could have found a way to be an issue.
So I'm just going to say this - stop leaving your shopping trolleys where they can dent my car - and four-wheel drives, please try your best not to surround me like Fort Knox.
4. Trolley commentators
You wouldn't think people would feel the need to take the time to look at the contents of your shopping trolley then comment about what you're buying, would you?
But they do.
On one occasion, I was without a car and had to taxi any shopping home. It was much easier just to buy a lot at once than make several regular trips, so my trolley was full - but not too full.
The worst case of trolley commentating happened to me on this occasion.
A woman looked at me, looked at my trolley, then looked at me again.
"You don't need that much shopping for one person," she said.
"You must eat a lot."
Actually, the food was for four people, but I decided not to say anything.
5. Depressing music
Songs about breaking up? Check.
Songs about saying goodbye to people you'll never see again? Check.
Songs about how bad life can be? Check.
It's almost like most of the supermarkets found a play list somewhere titled "music to make you feel so awful you buy buckets of ice cream" and decided to play it on repeat.