Finding the middle ground vital in a sexual relationship
MY HUSBAND wants me to watch x-rated movies with him, but I don't enjoy them.
He gets upset when I won't watch them with him. I really don't see the need.
He says I'm being unadventurous and judgmental but I think our sex life is fine.
And porn, soft or hardcore is a choice each person can make to watch but I personally don't find it appealing. Agreeing to disagree doesn't seem to be working.
Either he stops watching or I start.
Do you have any suggestions to help us find middle ground?
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WELL, you're right in that your choices are limited.
He enjoys them and you don't, so whether you both watch or don't watch, one of you may be unhappy.
The middle ground lies in making the situation as it is now, simply work better for the both of you.
You say your sex life is fine, so if this true, and there are no hidden jealousies about your husband watching porn without you, then you can negotiate with him about how much he watches and when.
It seems the main issue for your husband is his desire to share the experience of watching porn with you.
You could talk to him and perhaps suggest, as a compromise, that after he watches a film he describes to you what about the film turned him on and what he'd like to share with you as a result.
As a couple, you can turn your husband's desire to share x-rated movies with you into a sexual teasing foreplay game, without you having to actually watch it.
This type of middle ground won't work for all couples, but you may want to think about it.
If the content of the movies turns you off more than the act of watching it, there are a number of more "female friendly" porn movies available.
Another 'middle ground' option is to ask him to only watch x-rated movies on his own and give up trying to share them with you.
Ask him to keep his experience separate from when he makes love with you (rather than ask him to stop watching them entirely).
Or you could both read erotic stories together, which could turn him on to a completely new "erotically explicit" shared activity.
You seem genuine in your desire to find middle ground, so I can really only suggest that you agree on some compromises, on both sides, and stay away from ultimatums.
It would also be a good idea to sit down and have an honest, open talk with each other about why he likes to watch it and why you don't.
You'll learn a lot about each other, and it may be that he wants to add some shared spice to your sex life, in which case, that may be achieved by other means, aside from watching movies, such as games, toys and fantasy role plays.
The bottom line, though, is that you shouldn't have to watch something you don't enjoy, so don't feel pressured to do so.
For most couples, sex is pleasurable and fulfilling when they share their experiences, and therefore feel mutually satisfied, but that doesn't mean absolutely everything needs to be shared.
We all have different turn-ons, and healthy relationships leave room to accept and celebrate our differences.