What happened when I finally flew First Class
I'LL be honest, I'm not great at writing plane reviews so I'm just going to wing it.
If you don't like that pun, you might want to stop reading now.
Recently I got to fly first class on a Qantas flight from Sydney to Los Angeles. Now I'm no high flyer and am well aware that there's absolutely no way that I'll ever be able to afford to sit up the pointy end, so yes, this was a freebie. Thanks Qantas.
So what was it like? To put it plane and simply, it was awesome.
The experience starts when you're met at the kerb at the airport by a Qantas host who grabs your luggage and takes you straight to the First Class check-in area.
You don't have to worry about trying to flirt with the check-in person because you've already got a seat in the best part of the plane, so you can just relax as the host takes your passport and returns a few minutes later with all your documents and tickets.
You're then escorted through security and taken straight to the First Lounge where you can grab a seat in the restaurant and tuck into the menu created by Neil Perry.
I had the corn fritters and a champagne. OK, it was a couple of champagnes and I also had some salt and pepper squid as well, but it was free so can you blame me?
After eating you can book in for a complimentary 20-minute treatment at the Aurora Day Spa that is located in the First Lounge where you can have a pre-flight facial or massage. And let me just say, the treatment rooms in the spa, which feature living walls covered in plants, are just as stunning as the actual treatment.
Feeling more relaxed than if you'd just popped a Xanax, you're then escorted to the plane and you can't help but feel like a smug wanker as you walk past everyone else and are taken through to the dedicated first class boarding lane.
Once you step on board, you're shown to your First Suite and are given a quick run-through of all the features.
There's the electric chair (the good kind, not the prison kind), which has a massage function, there's an ottoman so you can host a guest if you want to, there's the 17 inch touch screen and noise-cancelling headphones and most importantly there's the food and beverage menu.
Once again it's a Neil Perry menu and you can choose to have the eight course tasting menu or you can pick a few items on your own.
I had three courses, including an ice cream cookie sandwich, which might just be the best thing I've ever eaten. Or maybe my judgment was affected by the champagne I had with my lunch once we were in the air. OK, I think I actually had three champagnes. Don't you judge me.
Shortly after taking off you're also given an amenity kit with earplugs, an eye mask, deodorant, toothpaste and hand cream. I've never used a hand cream before and I'm not the slight bit embarrassed to say I'm now hooked.
You're also given a pair of Martin Grant designed pyjamas that I didn't actually think anyone would change into, so imagine my surprise when as soon as the seatbelt light was turned off everyone in first class got up and changed into their PJs.
Throughout the flight the Qantas staff are very attentive and regularly offer you drinks, snacks and pretty much anything you desire, within reason.
After a scotch or two, you'll probably want to have a nap and a flight attendant will happily set up your fully-flat, extra-wide bed for you. The bed is bloody comfortable and has a duvet and sheepskin mattress. It's actually better than what I've got at home.
The party isn't over when you land either. You once again get to feel rather important by being the first group to leave the aircraft and are met by a Qantas First Host who will fast track you through immigration.
Your bags will then be the first ones off the baggage carousel, because let's face it, waiting is so passe.
So yeah, the First Class experience is pretty amazing and will leave you feeling like a Hollywood A-lister, and a very smug one at that.
This writer was a guest of Qantas