Dear motorists, we will catch you out, love - cyclists
YOU'VE hidden behind your tons of steel and casual disregard for human flesh for too long, dear motorists.
This morning I was commuting to work on my road bike. It's one of those quick ones with the bendy handlebars and free subscription to "Lycra Weekly".
I was travelling along in a bright-green bike lane when a motorist decided that it was the perfect place to overtake someone on the left.
Unfortunately, I was already existing in that particular spot.
I collided with the car before sliding over the bonnet and a considerable distance of road.
I wasn't even up on my feet before the motorist was out of their car hurling abuse at me.
It's difficult to look intimidating in bright orange Lycra, so, while taking particular note of the angry yells of "scratched my car" and "swerved into the car lane", I picked up my bike and removed something from the handlebars.
"Mate," I said, holding up the equipment, "I just recorded you swerving into a bike lane on video."
The motorist went a pale shade of "I'm doomed" and promptly buggered off.
The moral of the story here is "Know what a video camera looks like or some jerk on a bike will fool you with a flashlight."
The saddest part here is that even if I'd been using a camera, it would be almost impossible for me to get the police to take my case against the motorist seriously.
So now, we squishy pedal-pushers are tired of your dodgy logic and bumper bars. We're now set on catching you out.
To that end we've started equipping our bikes with lightweight cameras like a GoPro to catch you out when you pull out in front of us or ram us from behind.
So stop your crocodile tears that riders are three-abreast on your precious road. Your petty annoyance is no excuse for injuring and killing cyclists.
Oh, and learn to drive you lot.
To avoid argument: I like helmets. I think people should wear them. I won't touch my bike while not wearing one.