JACK McGovern was always the "favourite child".
Or, at least that's what he'd like to think.
I mean, why wouldn't I be?
I did fairly well at school.
I was always nice to mum and dad.
And, most pertinently, my sister is - well - she's my sister. And if I was second best to her, I may as well give up (love you, Cait.)
But there's a new favourite child in the world, and his family isn't hiding their prejudice too well.
When Prince William and Princess Kate announced the impending arrival (heck, it may have already happened but the time you're reading this) of their second child, the world was a happy place.
After all, their firstborn George seems a ball of fun, and the birth of any child is an exciting thing!
So surely it goes without saying that - at least for a little while - this "new toy" is going to be the main attraction.
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Instead, George's little sibling has been given a title arguably as harsh as it can get when your family sits atop the entire Commonwealth: "the spare".
In almost every news bulletin, in almost every headline and in absolutely every royal enthusiast blog (yes, they exist), I have not been able to get away from this devaluing reference.
How exactly do we think this is going to make the young one feel, not even out of the womb and already subjected to comparison?
Being a royal - in many ways - is similar to being retired from a 45-year career on a seven-figure salary.
You can do some work if you really want to, but why not just bum off the savings?
Or, in the royals' case, bum off the taxpayers' money.
Even so, you can't put a price on value of life.
And in the "value of life" criteria, feeling valued within the family seems pretty high up.
So hang on.
Let's just get this straight.
This is a time when the royal newborn should be taking his first bows to gran Elizabeth.
This is a time when Will and Kate should be wanting for nothing more than spending time with their newest little miracle.
This is a time when little George should be getting the ultimate case of "forgotten child syndrome" ... at least for a few days.
I mean, I'm sure Cait went through it at some point, and I'm not nearly as royal as this new baby.
When asked to pick a favourite child to save in a fire, most parents would probably freeze in their tracks before thinking "Stuff it, I'll just try to save them all anyway".
Even with the future of the Commonwealth at stake, let's hope William would make the same call.
Because in a society which - let's be honest - shouldn't be half as class-oriented as it is in the 21st century, it defies belief that these royals appear to be playing their own class games within the palace walls themselves.
Don't get me wrong!
I don't exactly feel sorry for the young prince or princess.
I guess I just find it a little difficult to muster up some sympathy for someone quite literally born into a lifetime of retirement.
But I do empathise with his "forgotten child" plight.
I guess they'll just need to make another spare.
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