Ditching sexy selfies is the key to being one hot mama

LOVE doctor Gabrielle Morrissey reveals the top five ways to feel sexy as a mum.

Want to know how to feel sexy after having kids? Read on:

It's what's underneath that counts

It may seem small, and okay maybe a bit superficial, but hey it works: don the sexy gear - not for public consumption, not even for your partner - just for you.

A pair of sexy heels, new lingerie - especially a sexy new bra if you're breastfeeding (those boobs aren't just for milk remember) maybe some fake lashes, lip gloss, or a trusty old favorite: a new haircut and/or color, then splash on some perfume and walk around (somewhere special, nowhere special) feeling just that little bit sexy.

You don't have to wear things that make you feel sexy to signal that you are on a date or "up for it" … wear it to feel good just for you and to remind yourself that you are a sexy woman, who is a mother, but yes, still very much a sexy, attractive, womanly woman.

Get between the sheets... and sleep

You've got to cover the basics in your life or sex just is not going to happen. It's no miracle secret, except that as mothers we're so busy nurturing others that we put ourselves last - and our sense of sexiness disappears as a result.

Sleep is the number one ingredient, why?

Because fatigue won't ever make you in the mood, it won't give you energy for quality sex (which is what is going to motivate you to do it again) and it just plain kills any libido you do have.

Sleep. I'll say it again: SLEEEEEEP. Then, when you do have some energy, exercise.

It is good for you, it boosts your self esteem and body image, it amps up your libido and it gives you endorphins which make you fell high and like you can take on anything. That's sexy! 

And finally: fuel up on healthy goodies - don't reach for the quick sugary crapola for the extra boost and don't junk up your body.

Is sluggish sexy? Probably only to a slug and even then it's debatable.

Feeling good (and not feeling guilty) will help you feel sexier when you put your mind to it.

Spend time on yourself

Then there's what I like to call the "It's all about ME" stuff: books, baths, girlfriend time (online, on the phone, over a coffee or a drink) and guilty pleasures - only toss the guilt part.

Here's what "selfies" really should be: not self portraits flaunting your insecurities or need for external validation via photographic self portraits, but rather plain positive self indulgence.

Take some self time and you'll be a better mother, wife, lover by a thousandfold.

Channel your inner cheerleader

Channel your inner sexy cheerleader. The what who huh?

Your inner voice. Go You! Praise yourself! Tell yourself how amazing you are for doing everything you do, taking care of everyone - including yourself - and be that positive voice for yourself instead of asking for others to tell you how great you are.

They naturally will anyway when they see how confident, happy, content, and assured you are.

We tell ourselves scores if not hundreds of negative thoughts and comments each week.

Becoming a mother changed you - of course it did, in so many ways - so be proud of that and tell yourself how freaking awesome you are. 

And then do it in heels and lip gloss and stand in front of the mirror and say a big Hell Yes about your sexy self!

Don't try too hard

To top off how to feel sex, after those four steps, just do ... nothing. Chill out. Relax.

Don't think about the sex you're not having, the more sex your partner wishes you were sharing, forget about counting the days or weeks or more since you last did the deed. Drop the juggling.

New mom? Mom of more than one? Seize some moments to simplify.

Your whole world is about juggling multiple and often competing needs. That's draining.

So focus on one activity that feels good and allow yourself time each day when you're not multi tasking.

Feeling hurried and distracted isn't sexy.

Feeling centered and engaged makes room for feeling less stressed and even yes sexy.

Is feeling pressured sexy? N-O. So don't force yourself to wiggle around in something too tight and too barely there when you're still adjusting to your new mama shape and don't make yourself do things that feel fake sexy because you can't trick yourself.

Your brain will know whether you feel flirtatious or downright foolish.

So stop the pressure to fit the mold of what raunch culture says is sexy. Your female intuition knows better.

Dump the pressure to vamp it up as the neighborhood MILF and in return you'll leave space in your life to just be happy. In or out of a bikini - that's up to you.

And best of all : without any pressure you'll quietly find yourself wanting sex again.

And you won't need to advertise it. Because when it's really sexy, it's laughing in PJs and messy hair.

It will radiate from within you and it won't need a fake tan or a social media comment endorsement to make you believe it.

Who knew doing so little could do so much for you? (Take the note Kim).

Topics:  dating editors picks parenting relationships

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