News

It's the moment your pants fall down you just have to laugh

WAKING up of a morning I always say to myself "today is going to be a good day. I will not have any accidents".

But I should know better. Being partially deaf with only 20% hearing in my left ear and 50% in my right ear, this always makes me off balance.

It doesn't help being vague on top of it. I am well known for being forgetful and daft LOL.

Not the best combination to put all in one.

"Clumsy" should have been my middle name, I swear.

On a daily basis I am always tripping over, walking into walls, kicking my toes on inanimate objects, dropping items, or even slamming body parts into drawers! It never seems to end with me.

I know everyone has had the odd encounter with public embarrassment, but my list of public humiliation is so long that I could be a millionaire if I owned a money jar for every time I do something ridiculous.

Top of my list for public humiliation would have to be  trying to pay for items at a supermarket with a Medicare card.

Oops, "Let me get my key card, sorry", only to pull out my licence and try to swipe it in the epftpos! *face palm*.

Not long ago, I ordered a pizza to be picked up.

In a hurry, I forgot I was wearing a pair of jeans that were slightly too big for me.

I hadn't planned on going out that day.

These pants are in general not too bad if I kept pulling them up, but I do have some moments with them and I don't ever wear them out.

I did this day and with one arm carrying three pizza boxes and the other arm carrying a bottle of Coke, I must admit, I did start to feel a little panicked knowing I couldn't pull my pants up when I felt them start to slide a little.

The car was parked back between a real estate agent and the police station.

I thought I could make it to side of my car when all of a sudden, my pants decided NOW was the perfect time to take a ride down hill. 

I thought I could make it to side of my car when all of a sudden, my pants decided NOW was the perfect time to take a ride down hill.

So there I was, standing in a pair of G strings with my cheeks baring for all and my hands full of items.

My daughter had already jumped in the car and the only thing I could do was put these items in the car in order to pull my pants up.

This required bending over to place the items on the back seat.

Oh I'm sure the real estate agent and the police station would have been having a good old field day with my embarrassing moment.

I was out of there quicker than flash Gordon on a mission!

I am forever having to ask shop attendants to repeat themselves as well.

Most shop attendants like to make small chat by asking how one's day was or they ask what one got up to.

Those are the two most frequently asked questions by shop attendants to the customers.

I usually like to look at shop attendants faces so I can lip read but this doesn't always go to plan if they talk to me while using the cash register to the side or they turn they're backs to me while grabbing something from behind.

It is so easy for me so miss hear them and think they say something completely different to what they asked me.

It often leads me to getting some very interesting looks or even a "say what?" LOL!

I remember a few years ago around Christmas I dropped my mobile phone down the toilet by accident and needed to get a new phone on Christmas morning.

The store I went to was blaring with Christmas music, people were everywhere chattering trying to get a fresh hot chicken for the occasion.

My poor little ears wanted to explode from so much noise and not being able to understand a word the shop attendant was saying.

It was horrible and the shop attendant ended up yelling at me "Are you deaf or something?" She shouted.

To say I felt upset was an understatement, but I look back at it now and wish I had of yelled back "Yes, I am. Are you rude much?"

These days i don't feel so alone with my daily stupidity.

I have seen many things happen to others that have made me laugh so hard.

I've seen women wear dresses on windy days, which make them look like they are playing hide and seek, I've seen people slip over, accidentally pour hot coffee on themselves, I've witnessed people lose grip of their grocery bags (which isn't actually that funny because I would hate to do that and lose all my items every where), I've witnessed kids open drinks that have spilled everywhere.

Even shop attendants have some pretty embarrassing moments.

Like shop attendants having moments in which they accidentally drop an item or some change *whoops*, even more awkward when it's at a takeaway drive through shop.

I've seen attendants with lettuce in their teeth, food on their faces, tripping on things and I've even encountered one who accidentally slammed the side of their pinky finger into a cash register.

It took a fair chunk of skin out. OUCH!

 

Tanya Sinnott is a Bundaberg mother of two and a keen writer who blogs for the NewsMail website. 

Topics:  blogs, columns, humour, opinion, tanya sinnott



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